Our Love is Incorporeal
by ThreeOfWands
Summary: "I missed you." Merlin drifted closer, bringing a glowing hand up to hover by Arthur's face. Arthur brought his hand to meet Merlin's, and went right through it. His expression was pinched. "I'm sorry."


**Ahh what is this? I really have no clue. I get maudlin when I'm tired and I couldn't fall asleep...sooo**

**Warnings: Spoilers for season 5, hinted slash, major character death, and a bus load of angst.**

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Arthur looked up eagerly as the sun set. This was all he had to look forward to in his long, strenuous days. Because these precious bittersweet moments were all that was keeping him sane.

Right on time, Merlin slid in through the wall. He lit up the room with his smile. "Arthur."

The king acknowledged his pale companion. "Merlin. "

"I missed you." Merlin drifted closer, bringing a glowing hand up to hover by Arthur's face.

Arthur brought his hand to meet Merlin's, and went right through it. His expression was pinched. "I'm sorry."

Merlin sighed. "You don't need to apologize every time you see me. Let's move on from the past."

But Arthur was stubborn. "I'll never say it enough. I should have protected you. It was my job and mine alone and I failed. You may forgive me, but I'll never forgive myself."

Merlin's tone became stern. "Arthur, that's enough. There was nothing you could do to stop your father, okay? No matter what, I'd still be dead."

Arthur winced. Hardly a year had passed since the execution an it still felt so raw and fresh in his mind. Merlin had come to terms with it far sooner than he had. It was still disconcerting to see Merlin's incorporeal form, pearly and translucent, floating around and passing through solid objects.

"You gave yourself up to save me," Arthur said flatly.

"And I would do it again," Merlin replied fiercely. Arthur could see an echo of the fearless warlock who defeated Morgana. If it weren't for him, Arthur knew with certainty, they would all be dead. But then again, it also meant his Merlin would have still been alive.

Arthur would have given anything for Merlin to be by his side again. The other man belonged in this world. He was full of love and cheer and just liveliness. Without him, Arthur was only a dark shadow of the man he used to be. He hated thinking about Merlin's selfless sacrifice. It was so unfair. Why did he deserve to live while Merlin, sweet, kindhearted, loyal to a fault Merlin, did not?

Merlin did what would have been a prod to the chest if his finger hadn't just passed right through Arthur. "Stop thinking so hard. There's steam coming out of your ears." He made an adorable pout.

Arthur felt a bone deep longing. He wished he could kiss Merlin. Or hold him in his arms or even squeeze his hand. Arthur couldn't stand not being able to fall asleep and wake up knowing Merlin would be there by his side. He felt this loss so keenly, it was like a physical ache. How many nights had he fallen asleep, playing over and over those moments he had taken for granted when Merlin was still alive? All those times he had pushed Merlin away when he was cranky or tired. Arthur wished he could do it all over. He'd cherish every moment, every touch, every smile they shared, so he could lock them away in his heart and treasure them after Merlin was cruelly snatched away from him.

Arthur was wrenched out of his thoughts by Merlin's startled scream. The king whirled around, senses alert. The young knight, Sir Mordred was standing in the door way.

"Mordr-"

Arthur was cut off by cold silver eyes and a rasping chant so different from Merlin's warm golden glow. He was thrown backwards by the spell and found himself on the ground. Arthur could hear Merlin's frustrated shouts in the background. But all he could think was, _I'm too old for this_. Mordred loomed over him, those icy blue eyes boring into Arthur's.

"Weren't expecting this, were you, Pendragon?"

Arthur frowned. "Can't say I was." Right now, all he felt was confusion. Why was this happening? And why was Merlin so upset?

Then it clicked for him. "You're going to kill me." He'd always thought he was going to fall in battle, perhaps a little older and with more honor.

Mordred smiled nastily. "Right as always, my lord." Then he plunged a dagger into Arthur's stomach.

There was an explosion of pain in his middle and it was excruciating. That's how Arthur knew he wasn't dead. He stared at Mordred in surprise. "You missed."

"You don't deserve a painless death," the knight hissed. "Goodbye Arthur Pendragon." He swept out of the room.

Arthur's vision began to cloud over. Then he realized he was actually looking into Merlin's translucent face. "Arthur, you're hurt."

Arthur lost himself looking into Merlin's luminous eyes. "Hmm? Oh right." He winced. Dagger. In stomach. Bad.

Silvery streams were leaking from Merlin's eyes. Arthur longed to wipe them away. "Don't cry, love, I'll see you soon."

Merlin sniffled harder. It was getting harder to breathe and the world was narrowing down to the burning sensation in his abdomen and Merlin's pale visage.

He let Merlin stroke his face. If he thought hard enough, he could almost make out a feather light touch on his cheek. Merlin was sobbing in earnest now, but Arthur felt no sadness. There was no one he was leaving behind. His father and Gaius were long dead. Morgana was gone. Lancelot and Guinevere had left several years before. He supposed the Round Table knights would miss him, but it was not great loss to most of them. Arthur smiled as the world grew gradually dimmer. He would be reunited with his love soon enough.

Fin.


End file.
